blogging in Beaumont... finally

My mom's right. She says I'm learning what not to do with my life through this experience. I went into Americorps thinking I'd find my corner of the world with some non-profit that I'd fall in love with. So far, it hasn't happened. So far, I know exactly where I don't want to be.

I've been neglecting the blog the past few months... I was noticing everything was becoming shallow and boring. And this will probably be that way too, but I am sitting in front of a computer with internet and I figured I'd take advantage...

I left Denver sometime in late February for Detroit, MI. My team spent the next 6 weeks working with the Accounting Aid Society doing a free tax service for low income families. I hate numbers but I loved the concept of it all. We were told that the rebates were 10% of many of the individuals' income for the year. It was such an important service and I'm glad I got a chance to be a part of it.

In mid-April we drove to Beaumont, Texas to work with the Salvation Army and Boys and Girls Clubs of Beaumont. We were told that the area had been hit hard by Rita last fall and that there would be plenty of work to do. While I've seen house after house with a blue tarp on the roof, we have spent most of our time organizing donations in their warehouse. I've had to ask myself almost every day why I am even doing this. While other teams are in New Orleans clearing out homes left untouched since Katrina, we are pulling out clothing to send to the thrift store, and I feel worthless.

Today I'm sitting at the receptionist desk at the Salvation Army, answering the phone and transferring calls. Yesterday a lady named Nadine called. She was crying. She told me an awful story about losing her home in the hurricane, moving in with her father who molested her children, moving out, and now losing all water and electricity to the home. She begged me to help her find a place to live. Then she begged me just to pray for her. I hung up and looked around the glass cage I was in.

I want out. Hurricane season is on its way and I can't understand why so many broken roofs are still covered by a piece of blue plastic. I'm selfish and I want to see my service make a visable difference. I admire the people who can serve without receiving anything in return. But I'm not one of them and this clear plate of glass that separates me from each person who comes into this office asking for assistance is making me crazy.

A lady just walked in asking for clothes. She said she's been wearing the same ones for three weeks now. I told her about our thrift store downtown and she said she couldn't afford it. I told her to go to the Goodwill downtown because everything they sell is a dollar. She said she had no money. I looked at my bag and wished there were a shirt and shorts inside. I looked at myself and wished I could give her my clothes. It's a ridiculous thing for a person to walk the streets of this rich nation without clothing. I really can't blame the prostitutes around here for selling all they own. Even with social service organizations left and right, it takes a lot to admit that you need them.

This is a rant and rave with really no answer. I'm tired and frustrated. But I have no solutions.