Garden of the Gods, Colorado

Pike's Peak, Colorado

Sangre de Christo Mountains, New Mexico

There was an amazing sunset over the foothills.

chimayo

Santuario de Chimayo, New Mexico

I drove out into Georgia O'Keefe country to find a small church built in the hills where there was said to be "holy dirt" that was responsible for many miracles. I thought this would be a good fix for my swollen cactus-bruised leg. I found the small hole in the floor in the corner of the church and reached my hand into the cool brown dirt and rubbed it on my calve... no relief. But I love rubbing dirt on myself anyway so it felt good.

Loretto Chapel, Santa Fe

I'd heard of a stairway in Santa Fe where a spiral staircase mysteriously appeared and is made of extinct wood with no support. This was something I had to see. It was pretty but I couldn't get very close and there wasn't really much else to see except for an extensive gift shop full of saints figurines.

sad scrappy

rip scrappy

So today was the day I was supposed to be home… It’s my nephew’s birthday. He’s turning 2. I bought him a train conductor’s hat on top of Pike’s Peak last Friday and I was so excited to be home with my family and to see him smiling with all his new train toys my brothers gave him for his birthday and wearing his new hat. That would have been today. Wednesday. For a month I’ve been thinking about this day, planning for this day, so excited for this day. I was excited to unpack my car after almost 4 weeks of living out of it, excited to watch Ohio State football games on Saturdays on our comfy couch with my dad, anxious to see my dog and cat and anticipating the fights over who gets to sleep with me, planning on cleaning my car inside and out and thanking it for such an amazing journey. Then I’d print all my photos and lay them out on the floor and show my family where me and my car, Scrappy, have gone. They wouldn’t believe it.

I’ve traveled up and down mountains; across an empty desert where I considered squatting behind a saguaro to pee; into ancient churches where I covered my hands and legs in cool, holy dirt out of a hole in the floor; into canyons where I climbed rocks and tested my courage; I’ve walked into a cactus and had a swollen leg for a week; ran through the desert in Tucson where I amazingly did not hit a cactus; rode an old train up a 14,000 ft peak where I could see clear out to Kansas; and sunned myself on rocks in the Garden of the Gods… I’ve stayed with family and friends in Tucson and Payson, AZ; Colorado Springs, Denver, and Lakewood, CO; and spent only one lonely night alone in Santa Fe, NM.

I’m supposed to be home. I’m in Lakewood, just outside of Denver still. And it’s Wednesday. That Wednesday I’ve been thinking about. I called my nephew and hung up and cried. I’m sitting in a coffee shop while my friends Mel and Jason are working. They’re letting me stay with them until things get cleared up, til I find a way home.

I was in an accident Monday morning as I was getting an early start for Kansas City to stay with a family friend. I don’t have a clue where the car came from but I was hit on the driver’s side door. I can’t get the sound of that "pop" out of my head, that sound when the two metals collided and my head slammed against the side window. I’ve been laying in bed the past two nights reliving the experience over and over. I heard the pop and suddenly my car wasn’t mine to control. Like a wild horse it lept forward and into a curb and onto gravel where it came to a stop. Over and over I just repeated "oh my god oh my god…" Still not even sure what happened. I just sat there and looked around my car. Nothing looked funny except a bunch of my belongings were now at my feet. Cars were swerving around me and I realized I had to get out or I’d get hit again. I couldn’t open the door. I had to throw my body into it and it just fell open. I stepped out and covered my mouth… oh my god. My door was dented in and the tire was missing under the car and the front corner was completely smashed.

Vainly, my first thoughts aren’t, Is the other person ok? Am I ok? It’s, Scrappy’s gone. I can’t believe my car is gone.

When I was in Arizona and the border police asked what was under the blankets in the back of my car and I said, "My life," that was the truth. Everything I considered valuable was in my car and was my car. I’m writing this like a cowboy who’s just lost a good horse. And if you think that sounds ridiculous and I’m being too dramatic, then you don’t know what it’s like to have a good car. I mean, a really good car. And you don’t know what it’s like to be me… a person who attaches to inanimate objects probably alittle too easily.

54,000 miles and I was there from mile one. My little hatchback fit my life in it to and from college my junior and senior year. It roadtripped out west and back 6 times. It took me out to San Francisco and through Yosemite and Death Valley for my first roadtrip alone. It squeezed five 23-year old girls and camping gear in it for a 10 day roadtrip through Utah and Arizona’s National Parks… plus all the treasures we found in Mexico. It took me across Boulder Mountain and into my first camping experience alone. And when I drove clear to St. George, UT for groceries it was really so I could just sing at the top of my lungs to the redrock desert passing by as Scrappy sped past all the slow cars. It really had a lot of speed, just a little ford focus.

Aaah!!! I need to stop thinking about it.

It’s like someone died. And thank God I’m alright and the other lady was alright. They stuck an IV in my arm at the scene because my heart rate wouldn't go under 140. They kept asking me to calm down. That's easy for them to say. They took me in an ambulance to the ER to get x-rays and a cat scan for possible internal head injuries. But everything showed up fine. And I haven’t thrown up so I guess that means there was no concussion. The past two days I’ve had headaches and neck pain, but today I feel absolutely fine. Just two days after the accident. I should be thankful.

My car was a symbol of my freedom. It took me to all sorts of seemingly inaccessable places and back again. Its last week in Zion it took me off road where it wasn’t supposed to go. And I still never got stuck. I could cross the country over and over and I knew my car was reliable. I planned on driving it into the ground and I knew it could do that. Almost all of its 54,000 miles were highway miles and desert miles. Nothing too rough. I cleaned it inside and out regularly and got it’s oil changed way before it was ever due. I was a freak. And what was all that for?

So I’m waiting in Denver til we figure things out. Might rent a car. Might pack all my stuff up and mail it and just fly home. Maybe they’ll determine it’s not totalled and Dad will come out and tow it home with me. I don’t know anything right now and it’s so frustrating.

Where in the world am I?

In response to the questions from my family and friends... I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants on my way home to Ohio, stopping where I want to stop and taking my time getting there... well, as long as I get there by the 7th or so. I've been out of my house since the 15th and though I'm always passing through places where I have a bed to sleep in, I'm still kind of living out of my car and I'm tired of that. So a week from now, I should finally be there!

Yesterday had an awesome time in Santa Fe and drove north to the Santuario de Chimayo where they have holy dirt in a hole in the floor and I was allowed to take a jar of it! I rubbed it on my leg where I ran into a cactus and it didn't heal it unfortunately.

Tucson

Stayed with my aunt Casey and uncle Punch in Tucson where I became a complete load. Slept, read, swam, watched the sunset, swam, sat in the hot tub, read, ran through the desert, took pictures of the horses and chickens and my uncle's artwork, slept some more... and a ridiculous amount of tv watching. I hadn't seen a tv for so long and thought I was so out of the loop and then I realized the news was as depressing and uninteresting as it used to be. Visited the Sonoran Desert Museum and watched the javalinas dig their noses in the dirt and went to a Peace March with Punch. One day I drove down to Tubac, near the border of Mexico, and border patrol stopped me on the way back to check out my sketchy car with all my stuff in the back covered by blankets. They asked me what was under the blanket and I said, "uh, my life," and they still wanted to search it. They found just what I told them they'd find... no people under there.

dream dog

My dream dog jumped in my car before I left Utah. It wanted to come home with me... a baby pitbull with pretty brown eyes.

Capital Reef National Park

I took my first big girl camping trip, all alone... (though the Italians in the site next to me decided they didn't like their patch of grass and camped with me). It wasn't as scary as I thought. Set up camp and then walked to the orchards to pick some apples for dinner. The next morning I got up and did the scenic drive and hiked a bit and came back for a breakfast of fresh-baked cherry pie and homemade bread from the museum!

You can eat as many apples as you'd like in this park service operated garden of eden. I picked a handful and ate them on the spot... the best apples I've ever tasted. And that's not just because I was surrounded by beautiful Utah rocks and dirt.

Fall Color in Zion

Drove up the KT road to see the Aspens and Maples. The Cottonwoods in the canyon hadn't changed yet.

Deertrap Mountain

One of my last days in Zion I decided to hike out to Deertrap to take in a new view of Zion. Incredible view. The rocks looked so different from up there, it took me awhile to recognize them. Got lost on my way to the trailhead and found myself accidently driving down a trail. I realized this when my little hatchback no longer fit through the trees and brush. Then I couldn't find a place to turn around so I did one of those 40-point turns. Glad I have a little car!

Pics from Paria Canyon

We set out to do Buckskin Gulch but flash flood potential was high and rain was 80%, so we hiked down Paria Canyon, camped on high ground, and returned early in the morning as the rain sprinkled down.

debris from flash flood

Movin' out!

I don't think anyone checks this anymore and it seems to have become a shrine to myself, but I like that cause I like re-reading my adventures. But in case anyone checks, please don't mail anything else to Box 52... my box is closing and I'm getting ready to move out of here. So send all mail to General Delivery instead... atleast till the 13th of October when I finish here.

Thanks!

Utah.

Where dad retires the family TV by taking it out back and shooting it.

GO SLOW. PETRO ART.

Are they concerned about us speeding by and missing the ancient petroglyphs scratched across the rock walls all around us or about hitting the idiot laying in the road?

the border

"handstands on the edge of Utah"

resurrection moss

There's a type of moss that grows in Zion called Resurrection Moss. It grows and turns bright green only after the rain. The canyon literally is more colorful when it rains.

monsoon season

As the clouds rolled by, the rocks called out, "Hey, what's it like to fly?"

gutter-fishing

Yesterday I drove to St. George for groceries. In the world I grew up in, you drive 7 minutes down the road to the store and get what you need when you need it. You don't devise a list all week and then embark on an hour long drive involving a cooler and ice packs so you can keep your milk and chicken cold in a city that is usually 5-10 degrees hotter than Zion... which is just draining. Grocery shopping wears me out. And it's been so dry and hot here that I was dreading spending an hour or two in a place that was even drier and hotter.

On my way through Rockville, UT, I saw a boy sitting in the gutter with a fishing pole. And as I watched, something tugged and he excitedly rolled back on his back and reeled whatever it was in. I thought there can't be any water in there... He might have caught a tire.

I got to St. George and on the horizon a long stretch of red dust cloud was growing and moving closer. It looked like an ocean wave far off in the distance or a scene from the Sahara with the heat waves lifting off the ground, making the whole thing look like a mirage. A storm was coming. I rushed all my errands so I could get back to Zion in time to catch the waterfalls that appear off the rims of the cliffs when it storms. But as I frantically drove back, I realized I had missed it. The street through Rockville was full of puddles and the gutter where the boy was fishing was now a river full of red mud.

The canyon had grown more colorful when I was gone. It literally takes on more color as the red rocks are saturated and the desert varnish becomes shiny and a thing called Resurrection Moss comes to life and expands and turns bright green on the cliffs. Oak Creek, which is usually a dried up stream-bed behind my house, had erupted into life and red-brown water was roaring through my backyard.

When it rains in the desert, something almost spiritual takes place. The plants and sandstone graciously accept the drink and rivers and waterfalls come out of nowhere. This morning it rained again and I got out of bed and stood outside to watch Oak Creek flash again. I came back in and opened the doors and windows to let the breeze and new smells come in and I fell back asleep with wet hair. The rain seeped into my dry skin and hair as I lay on the couch and the lightning kept sending flashes across my eyelids.

I felt cleaned and decided I didn't need a shower today.

Aaahh! It's beautiful! I'm looking out the window at the library at the West Temple. The sun finally came out and the sky is blue again. Someone just came in and I heard them say to the librarian "Don't you just love this? Everything has been washed clean."

an update on updating...

That amazing internet signal I miraculously picked up at my home is no more. And I rarely feel like coming to town after work to update my blog...

so, just an update. I probably won't be updating much these days. If I remember at some point, i will bring my camara cord to town to post some of the amazing pictures I've taken the past few months here. Seasons have definitely changed since those last pics I put up. It's been so hot here and I've heard myself say things I never thought I'd ever say... "aah, shade." "Yay! It only got up to 98 today!" "Let's turn on the swamp cooler so we can wear sweatshirts." "Is that a cloud I see over there?!?"

I thought I was a total desert rat. But apparently, I do miss clouds and rain and sweatshirts. Went home for my friend Jamie's wedding last month and Ohio looked like a jungle with all the green. I hadn't seen an Ohio summer for three years. It was beautiful.

I've seen

I have been horrible at updating. I have been worthless at emails and phonecalls. I have been lazy about journaling. My wireless internet at my house has left as mysteriously as it arrived. It returns occasionally but while I'm here at the library, I'll try to do a quick update.

In the past few weeks, I've seen

... a Bobcat! It ran right in front of my car as I was driving up the switchbacks to work one morning. It was larger than I thought they were supposed to be but I don't remember a tail so it must not have been a mountain lion.

... Desert Bighorn sheep just playing around on the East side of the park.

... a tree fall. I heard popping noises like firecrackers near my house on Oak Creek and then I saw the treetop of a cottonwood tree go down and heard the big bang.

... a mountainside ignite on fire. We don't have "mountains" here but that just sounds more dramatic. For the fourth of July, Springdale had a firework show but it had to be cut short because a firework ignited the whole hillside on fire. I heard rumors of it burning over 20 acres but who knows if that's true. The west temple rock formation was behind the fire and the whole red rock wall glowed as if a spotlight were on it! The crazy tour-ons evacuated and the rest of us just sat and watched it burn.

... a California Condor! She was just perched on a ledge at the Grand Canyon North Rim. Occassionaly she'd stretch out her 10 ft long wingspan just to show off.

... children teaching their parents about the Condor and how once there were only a couple dozen alive on Earth. On a sappy note, I got all teary eyed watching this because I remembered these are the kids who will be protecting this land one day.

to own Color

I remember going to the ring shop with my mom when I was little to get her wedding ring fixed. I remember realizing this was an important mission for her and I remember a quick moment of concern when she took off her wedding ring and handed it to the man at the shop and I thought something was wrong with my parent’s marriage. I remember going back to the ring shop with her to pick it up.

I remember the color emerald green.

She had it on her ring. She wore it in her clothes. She wore it in her big square earrings that went out of style way before she quit wearing them. But I never liked the color emerald green. My favorite color when I was little was white, until I was told that didn’t count. But white was clean and pretty and I thought it was the most beautiful color of all.

I saw something that was an emerald green today and I thought, ooh how pretty! And then I wondered, when did that switch occur?

I live in Color Country. That’s what they sometimes call it. Every color you can imagine can be found in the rocks or dirt or trees or wildflowers around here. When the Virgin River swells and curves, there are parts where you can’t even reach the bottom and you can tell because that part of the river turns a brilliant shade of emerald green. It sparkles like my mom’s ring. It’s beautiful.

We used to travel through Navajo nation on vacation through Arizona and we’d stop at the Navajo road-side stands and mom and I’d buy jewelry. I resented that they used so much turquoise because I didn’t like turquoise so I bought necklaces with juniper beads because they were brown instead. When my granddad died we each received something from his jewelry collection. My granddad loved turquoise. I have one of his turquoise rings from the Navajo and I turned it into a bracelet and it’s my favorite piece of jewelry. I never appreciated turquoise until then. Now it’s one of my favorite colors and there’s no better match than turquoise next to dusty brown skin.

I can’t imagine my life if I hadn’t taken the risks I’ve taken and gone the places I’ve gone. I wonder if my favorite color would still be white. It seems with each new adventure I add another color to my pallet and my world is already overwhelmingly colorful. Sometimes we can argue on whether a car is green or blue and assume the other person is color-blind. But the truth is, we’ve only seen color through our own lens and I don’t think we ever are seeing the same thing. Color is more powerful than just a label. With each passing experience, we own colors. We connect thoughts and memories and scents to them. And we’ll never see eye to eye and I think that’s beautiful.

happiness

I made cinnamon Indian Frybread tonight and it was easier than grilled cheese.

I couldn't be more content.

when Laura came to town

The past couple weeks, some strange things were happening in the park. Suddenly there were lots of local law enforcement coming in and out. And then there were these guys hanging out by park headquarters always rolling suitecases behind them, wearing bermuda shorts and hawaiian shirts, who smiled and waved as if they knew the place and knew exactly who you were. They dressed like tourists but they were so obviously not. Then we finally were told the big secret... Laura Bush was coming to the park. Secret service had been in and out, making preparations, for the past couple weeks atleast.

I so happened to be working the entrance station where she was scheduled to arrive. And she came, blew through my outbound lane in a convoy of toyota minivans. And that was it. Not too much excitement. But then, we were told to watch out for sketchy people. And I had this girl come through, with a slight tone of possible bitterness in her voice, she said, "You know why I'm here. There will probably be more like me." Totally just sounds like a groupee, or a fan, or wacky stalker type... not anything really dangerous. But I called her in anyway, mostly cause of the tone of her voice. Next thing I know, she had pulled into the private event and law enforcement quickly was on her. She played dumb tourist and asked where the shuttle was. Today I came into work and someone told me that she ended up on the news and turned out to be a Bush supporter. Why in the word the media jumped on this one, I have no clue.

Apparently Laura stuck around a couple days. Some people protested and though the thought of war makes me sick too, they make me sicker because they can't separate a good issue from a bad. She was in town to rededicate our nature center and I think it's good to just focus on that. My friend Lex says you can't be a dark cloud every day.

I liked that.

I amaze myself

Just when I thought that taking some extra vitamins was keeping my mind pretty straight, I do this. I was craving cinnamon...

I had an extra tube of crescent rolls in the fridge and got out my cinnamon and butter and found a random bag of white powder in the cupboard which I assumed was sugar. I spread the sugar and cinnamon all over the dough and rolled them up all cute and popped them in the oven...

I sat and salivated...

I couldn't wait for the rolls to cool off, I popped one into my mouth. Something tasted funny, but I couldn't figure it out. It kind of made me feel sick. I figured I should try another just to investigate this further. I gobbled down the second one, but really kind of hating it. Then, I couldn't believe it. I had a whole bunch of cinnamon rolls sitting there just begging to be eaten and I didn't think I could handle another one. They were making me kind of sick.

I looked over my ingredients again. I figured it was the butter I used. Must have been bad butter. For some reason, I kept overlooking the suspicious bag of white powder. Finally, after checking out the butter, my eyes fell on the white stuff. I stuck my tongue into the bag to taste it, expecting one great sugar rush.

Salt.

I had to do one of those hurry and rub your tongue to get all that crap off kind of gestures like my dad did when he accidently ate a dog breath mint.

the greatest

I walked along surrounded by the cathedral of cliffs and suddenly the pine shot off into the sky. I looked up and asked which was greatest.

...then I knew, it was the three of us, together, in this place.

them there five-foot tumbleweeds

Today I was crossing a small creek as I was walking back from work and under the bridge was the most gigantic, mindblowing tumbleweed you could ever imagine. I mean, it was so big that it felt like a joke… like someone had hidden it here with a camara to watch how people reacted to it. It reminded me of those British comedy skits where the guy pulls out the four-foot long phone in public and tries to talk on it.

I started laughing as I lifted it up with my shoe to see how big it really was. I swear it was like five feet across. One giant tumbleweed. Well, as I lifted it to see it, the wind caught hold of it and it took off.

I heard it yell “Praise Jesus, I’m healed” as it leapt into the air and sped off ahead of me. It ran toward my home and I was trailing behind it laughing, hoping it wouldn’t hit anyone’s car or dog. And then it stopped. I was afraid we were playing some sort of game of tag and if I passed it, it would catch up with me on another gust of wind and knock me in the head, so I reached out and picked it up to move it off the road. Then I felt really silly walking down the road with a five-foot tumbleweed.

Apparently, I didn’t realize cause I’d never decided to touch one before… but tumbleweeds feel like a cactus, only maybe alittle worse. Because now my hands are full of about a hundred little yellow needles or pricker-like things. And where I dropped him off in the grass, tumbleweed immediately decided to go dance off across the road again anyway. So, all in vain. But atleast I will always be able to say, during those endless stretches of highway in Kansas and you have nothing to talk about except “Whoa, look at that tumbleweed!”… Now I’ll say, “But did you ever see one of them 5 footer ones? No? Well, I have.” And maybe I could make one out of concrete and post signs along a 70 mile stretch of highway telling people to pull off and see the “World’s Largest Tumbleweed!…and a 3-Legged Cow named Sue” (except I’ll say the cow fell and broke a hip and is in a cow treatment facility). And I’d put my attraction right next to the World’s Largest Prairie Dog and feed off it’s business, especially since he’s never open.

Venetian

Vegas with Amy and Danielle

foot appreciating Vegas architecture

roadtrip- Lawrence, KS

Henry

my zion

Who knew two years later, I'd be sitting in my car back at this Best Western, stealing wireless internet, working the same job again, and most amazingly, that this computer Shawna gave me would still be alive!

A week ago, I turned a key and pushed through a heavy door and into the living room of my home for the next 7 months. Dropped my bags at my feet and finished unloading the car. It didn’t take long because I roadtripped with two other friends and their own luggage, so basically everything I own here was shoved into the hatchback trunk of my car.

I expected to be the last to arrive in this house, as work started the next day. But I soon learned from maintenance that I would be living here alone for the next month. My two housemates are seasonals for wildfire and they don’t need to arrive till May. I scouted out the bedrooms and immediately came face to face with Henry.

Henry got his name because I needed to put a friendly, happy spin on this unwelcome housemate. He’s a large spider with fangs that are visible from a few feet away, furry pale yellow legs with black feet, and when he spreads his legs out he’s the size of the palm of my hand. I remembered these guys from when I lived in Zion before. I don’t think they bite. I just think they’re kinda OCD as they scurry from room to room eating up all the spiders and gnats and ants that creep in, like little furry maids that actually love their job.

So it’s me and Henry here together. He follows me and watches me do laundry and cook my meals and at night when I come out of the bathroom from brushing my teeth, he is waiting at the door like Reese, my dog, always did when her eyes begged isn’t it time for bed? Except Henry has a lot of eyes and I don’t like to get close enough to see all of them.

I could kick Henry out… but I have two fears- that he’d come back all angry and use his fangs on me in my sleep, or the more likely, my house will become overrun by lots of bugs and spiders that really would bite me in my sleep.

My job is the same as I did two years ago. Lots of things have changed, but I’m remembering a lot and that is helping. I’m on a four day weekend already and I am bored out of my mind. How could I be bored in Zion? I’ve gone out walking or hiking almost everyday and honestly, I’m just tired of walking alone. If I could put a spider on a leash, well, I guess I’d take him.

People have probably given up checking up on me since I haven’t posted in ages, but if you do, you’re welcome to come visit me. I’m lonely! And I like visitors. Yes, even you.

I haven't written in ages. I'm so used to writing about adventures and life right now in Ohio just isn't that exciting. I haven't applied for jobs yet because I really don't know what to do.

If anybody reads this, please send (1)money (2)job ideas

I know a lot of us say we're a part of this campaign but I guess you're not really a part until you act on it. This sounds like a good time to act...

http://action.one.org/dia/organizationsONE/one/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=1297&t=OneColumn.dwt