warm chai and sunshine

This past week, I received one of my favorite compliments. I was told that I am simple.

I thought back on my week of training for Second Nature and I couldn't figure out which action of mine really led to this feedback. Was it the many hours sitting in the dirt? No, we all did that. Was it the ease with which I wore lines of smoke stain in my face creases? No, we all looked alittle like raccoons from the hours sitting around smokey fires. Was it the way I stripped pounds off my pack... "I won't need that piece, I won't need another pair of socks, I can leave this coat behind..." That was just because I didn't condition myself for carrying 50 pounds on my back. So, I don't really know why I was told I am simple, but I liked it.

I carry a piece of paper around with me, a quote from one of my favorite writers Brian Andreas-

This is a blank map that lets you go as far as you want in any direction, with no questions asked, but it's no help at all if you want to know if you're going the right way.

I'm often looking for signs, confirmations, for the direction I'm headed. Sometimes, I like to assume I've found them. Happy feet, for example. Somewhere back in the archives of this old blog I wrote about my feet when I first arrived in Zion. They were cracked and dry, sometimes painful to walk on. The mystic lady at the bookstore told me it was because my feet weren't happy where they were placed. By the time I left Zion that fall, 3 months later than anticipated, my feet were soft. This past summer at Mesa Verde, my feet were cracked the whole time. So far, in my return to familiar territory, my feet are happy. My first drive back into the canyon with some new friends I've made (their first Zion experience), I felt a joy I hadn't felt in so long. I cranked up my music and yelled out the open windows into the full moon night. We hiked to an overlook and the white sandstone lit up in the moonlight and I knew I was at home.

Another Brian Andreas quote for the moment-
I used to wait for a sign, she said, before I did anything. Then one night I had a dream & an angel in black tights came to me & said, you can start any time now, & then I asked is this a sign? & the angel started laughing & I woke up. Now, I think the whole world is filled with signs, but if there's no laughter, I know they're not for me.

Somebody thought I was simple this week, but I think we all are. Sometimes we pick up extra clutter along the way that disguises our nature. When I'm in my Zion, I believe my inner nature is revealed. We all have a Zion.

"way too much stuff to carry so it's probably time to settle down."

Another Brian Andreas quote I keep with me. I sit here drinking my warm chai by the fireplace as the sun rises above the canyon walls and at this moment I feel at peace. But I am still without a home and I am still unsure if Wilderness Therapy is the job for me. I miss my family. I miss friends. But I carry all these experiences with me. I feel so rich sometimes. Settling down isn't something you can plan for. But I believe I'll know it in the instant it occurs. No matter where that place is, I believe it will be a Zion.