mental case...

I'm here in Denver... more to come about what I'm doing and the amazing trip out here... but that's for later.

I just have to comment on a mental case here. Everyone's at lunch and I have no one to tell this story to and, for those who know me and my stories, it's very difficult for me to contain them or my excitement to share them.

I was just down in the basement of our dorm where the laundry room is. I'd been waiting for days to get a chance at a washer and I was slowly pulling my wet clothes out and stuffing them in a bag since I guess I have to wait a few more days to dry them. I'm in my own world, completely zoned out, yet contemplating the fact that someone found this creepy building in a haunted Denver book and I'm alone in the basement, when I hear this awful scream right behind me. I turn around and there's this girl banging her head against a table full of clean laundry and screaming and whimpering.

I figured she was elated that I was pulling my clothes out of a washer and she was free to finally use it so I said, "Yeah, I'm done here." But she didn't take a moment to listen. She was off on this rant about how she tried to get back early and this is the third time she's washed these clothes and "This just aint how I treat my clothes!" and maybe a few "I'm going to go crazy"s mixed in. I tried to control her but she was violent and screaming and I tried to tell her "it's no big deal" that someone had taken her clean clothes out of the dryer when they were done so they could use it, but she got this horrified look on her face and screamed even louder, "I can't wear my clothes after someone's touched them! These are personal! I can't put these on my body! They're dirty now!"

Meanwhile I've just set my bag of wet laundry down and I'm backing out of the room like she has a gun pointed at me. I stood in the doorway trying to console her but finally I couldn't take it any longer. I yelled, "I just can't... handle you anymore!" and took off down the hallway.

I think the only other time I've felt so stressed in my life was when a Zion visitor this summer pulled up to my window yelling obscenities (I assumed) in German. He talked a mile a minute and wouldn't pause to give me a chance to talk and I finally had to scream at the top of my lungs "Just stop talking for a moment!" (which caused a whole line of traffic behind him to stick their confused heads out their windows). Now I've learned that you're supposed to deal with these mental cases with silence.

... I just went downstairs to see if there's a dryer ready but there were girl's clothes in one of them and now I'm too afraid to touch anything.

it's time...

I'm such a homebody. At this point, I'd rather spend 1000 nights watching Law and Order with my parents eating comfort foods like Stoffers lasagna and Figaros Pizza than do something scary like this. I'm constantly torn between this person in me that wants adventure and another that wants security and familiarity. Fortunately the adventurous person usually wins out, but today I'm really wanting anything but adventure. I know I'm going to love Colorado and I know it's going to be great to serve with Americorps. I just don't like this scary transition time.

So tomorrow Shawna and I head out. This will be the cheapest little roadtrip ever. My gas will be paid for by the government. My mom is helping with hotels. And da-da-da-daaa... You know those Wendy's cups that had AirTran coupons on them this winter and everyone told me it was a scam? Well, from the surplus of caffeinated beverages I consume daily, I got a free plane ticket so Shawna can fly home next Tuesday. We're staying in Indy with Shawna's sister and her husband tomorrow night and we're staying with my friend Amy in Greeley when we arrive in Colorado.

Anybody have any ideas for what to do in between? We allowed plenty of time to get there, but then we realized how boring I-70 really is. Gonna stop and see the arch in St. Louis, but at this point that's it. Any secrets along 70???

the boy

oh-so-flattering photo of me and the neff-you, Carter

what a profile

mmm... money

"When the last tree is cut, the last river poisoned, and the last fish dead, we will discover that we can't eat money..."

-www.greenpeace.org

I've been a complete load since coming home in November, I'm sorry. I could go through my day and share with you what I did and you can see what kind of load I've really become...

Fell asleep on the couch last night (this is typical) after watching the rose bowl with my dad and reese, my dog. Woke up around 10, oh so tired, and... holy crap, I just realized I actually worked out today. Now this wasn't a typical day after all. I think I worked up my first sweat since July. Showered and then filled the rest of the space between 12 and 5 with who knows what. My friend Jamie thinks I am so amazing how it's impossible to bore me. I can spend an entire day in my room (which is what I think I did) and be perfectly content and then you'd ask me what I did and I can't remember. I think I straightened things up a bit. I think I get distracted easily... looking through pictures and journals and books and nicknacks. Sometimes I sit there just looking around, almost like I'm taking pictures with my eyes, knowing someday I won't be here and I'll need to remember it.

This winter I've done some writing, lots of reading that I've been meaning to do for a couple years, cleaned for my mom, visited my new nephew a lot, and my greatest accomplishment... de-cluttered.

Life has a way of adding "stuff" and never really taking it away until nature decides to or we decide to. Fortunately I got to decide to this time. I went through every single thing in my room and took it to Goodwill, the women's shelter, the trash, or filed it away again. It felt so good to simplify. Mom says it's creepy, like what people do before they die. I'm just obsessed with simplicity lately. It's like extra stuff is a real weight that sits on my shoulders and I had to get rid of it. I physically feel lighter.

So, today was another fun-filled day and I'm sitting here with Reese pawing my knee, begging me to come to bed and I was reading an amazing book called, "Delaying the Real World," and came to the section about the organization GreenPeace. Good quote. Hoping I get to do alittle environmental work this year when I head out to Denver for AmeriCorps in a couple weeks.

Don't give up on me people. Even though I'm a complete loser without a life or a job and I never write on this anymore, I am working on putting Zion pics online to finally share. And I hope to get back in the habit of writing here (I'm told that I'm not cool anymore and that anyone who's anyone is on "facebook" but I'm just going to play the stupid card here and pretend I'm too old for that and I'm rigidly stuck in the ways of the blog).