trucker boyfriends, massive prairie dogs, and other adventures on I-70

Well I said I'd tell the story of Shawna and my trip out here to Denver, but seeing how Shawna finds ways to turn even the most meaningless details into good stories, I'm just going to use here words in this post...

(taken from her blurty, http://www.blurty.com/users/leyne/ ... hope you don't mind the advertisement, Shawna...)

Adventures on I-70!
Last night I waited in Akron/Canton Airport from 12:30 in the morning until a quarter ‘til 2. It was snowy, blowy, and I was just waiting for a proposition from one of the creepy construction guys who kept a constant eye on me, the lone passenger. It was almost 4 a.m. by the time I got home. Percy greeted me with a wagging tail... and then he peed on my bed. I slept on the couch.

The Destination: The Mile High City
The Mission: To have as much fun and see as much crap as humanly possible... the perfect mission.
The Means: Scrappy

Last Thursday Juli and I headed down “America’s Main Street,” I-70. We had no real plan other than to be in Denver by the 23rd. Scrappy was packed with a mountain of food that would sustain us for at least 3 weeks if we were to become trapped in an avalanche, or worse yet become lost on the back roads of Kansas. Along the way we recorded license plate states and any odd/interesting/stupid/creepy/waste of money vanity plates we happened to come across. Recorded below in the order that we spotted them:
~ New York ~ JOURNEY
~ Pennsylvania ~ KCK WGN
~ Indiana ~ 100 DGRS
~ Michigan ~ ANITGR8 (my fav)
~ Illinois ~ COWMAN (Indy)
~ Texas ~ FRANK (meg's neighbor)
~ Nebraska ~ ME TO
~ Iowa ~ MORRIS 1
~ Missouri ~ KAYT 4
~ Ohio ~ GC PROF
~ Oklahoma ~ LAMAR 3
~ Maryland ~ HUH HO
~ Kentucky ~ YUNEEK
~ Florida ~ BISONS
~ Montana ~ FOCUSS
~ Minnesota ~ GOT MLK
~ California ~ O GEEE
~ Wisconsin ~ JUST SEX (seriously, S. Carolina)
~ Alabama ~ VIZ LA
~ New Jersey ~ V BOY
~ Louisiana ~ KARAN
~ Kansas ~ SE AT L
~ South Carolina ~ PRO TYPE
~ Mississippi ~ MONMNT 3
~ Alaska ~ MUFFIN
~ Arizona ~ GABOR
~ Utah ~ CJANDJ
~ Virginia ~ PART THG
~ Colorado ~ SKAYM
~ Nevada ~ SHELZ
~ Wyoming ~ SHP MOM
~ New Mexico ~ MRS JDM
~ Arkansas ~ CIRCLE W
~ Oregon ~ S READ 1
~ North Carolina ~ ASHKEY4
~ Mexico (Chihuahua) ~ GREG R
~ ADHD

The trip was something like 1724 miles. Within the first 200 miles we had managed some interstate boyfriends. We went through a stretch where truckers were honking at us. Partially, I think because we were sort of hyper, and bouncing around the car like 16 year olds. And all it takes is one trucker radioing his big burly friends...

Juli and I were talking about how annoying it is when people pass you on the right. Soon thereafter a car passed us on the right. I was in the habit of checking people out as they passed us, because most people are looking at the road, not at me making stupid faces at them. I had just gotten into the bag of heart-shaped cookies from Buckeye Bakery, and I whirled around to my passengers-side window, shook my bright pink cookie at this man and yelled something like, "What are you doing?!" Well. The guy saw me, we made eye contact, I whipped my head straight ahead. Juli looked over just in time to see the guy wave before speeding off.

I nearly wet my pants I was laughing so hard at shaking a pink heart cookie and yelling at some guy on the interstate. Then I got really really hot and we had to turn the A/C on.

We stayed the first night with Megan and Ben and the last night with Juli's friend, Amy. Our first night with Megan was also the first night for Megan's new pet, a gray longhaired rescued cat named Dexter, who spent the night roaming in and out of rooms, indulging in his obsession with opening and closing doors. Unfortunately, Juli was the only one who didn't barricade her door. I found that several pillows seemed to do the trick. Megan reports that Dexter continues opening doors, and confirms Juli's hazy late night suspicion that Dex can, in fact, turn door handles.

I am proud that I picked Dexter out when we visited the shelter. Cats with sass and personality are the only cats worth having.

We left Franklin, IN early the next morning, but not before Juli seduced Benjamin Franklin.

First stop was The World's Largest Catsup Bottle in Colinsville, IL (but only after we decided to skip The World's Largest Pecan) which we were able to find only with the help of Two Fat Guys. We hustled our way across the state toward Missouri to see the St. Louis Arch, which made me proud for once to be so short and small. Very cool, and the most normal thing we saw or did the entire trip. Last stop of the day was a detour into St Charles/Weldon Spring to see the Nuclear Waste Adventure Trail and Museum (not, i suspect, its real name) which is the govt's attempt to "prettify" a former nuclear waste dump. It was very creepy, and we ended up trudging nuclear mud into Scrappy with our shoes. By the time we got back to I-70 it was completely dark, our shoes were glowing, and we needed to find a hotel for the night.

My only requirement was that the hotel had interior corridors. Juli's requirements included: indoor pool, hot tub, and continental breakfast, preferably hot. With our requirements we were able to find safe, fun, relaxing, and delicious hotels for the entire trip. That first night we stayed in the World's Largest Hotel Chain. It really was a World's Largest kind of trip.

Heading through Missouri the next day we stopped to hunt for the possibly non-existent Elvis Is Still Alive Museum...we found it...it was not yet open for the day...we proceeded on feeling satisfied having peered in through the windows. I have unofficially dubbed Missouri the most awful state in America. Granted I still have several more states to visit, but it's definitely in the top spot for the Armpit of America Award.

Kansas brought about the necessary 1 hour detour to see the infamous "World's Largest Ball of Twine" in Cawker City, KS. The twine ball is 17,874 lbs. and 7.800,511 feet... and growing! But not without the difficulties of keeping it in a "ball-shape" and one other hiccup, "the World's Largest Twine Ball is pungent with the smell of moist rot."

Loved it.

We saw a gorgeous Kansas sunset as we were heading back toward I-70 leaving the glorious ball behind us, but not before giving a sheepish wave to the Texas plates pulling in to see the ball as we were heading out. A family. The father looked perturbed, horrified, and embarassed at having driven an hour or so off the main road to see... twine.

We got "lost" heading back to I-70 having decided to take a slight detour off the main road. But it's not really a true vacation experience until you get lost at least half a dozen times or so.

The following day ended our time in Kansas, with the world's largest easel painting holding a Van Gogh rendition in some small town near the Colorado border. Disappointingly the World's Largest Prairie Dog was closed for the day, and we missed the chance to see mutant and exotic animals such as 1-6 legged steers, miniature donkey named Roscoe (awwwww!) and... rattlesnakes. It's a petting zoo too, apparently.

We rolled into Colorado the following day and veered off I-70 to head down to Colorado Springs for a night. We found so much to do in the area, and the were normal tourist things. Nothing like The World's Largest... fill in the blank. The first day we toured Miramont Castle, attempted to ride the cog to the top of Pike's Peak (you would THINK that the people working at the visitor's center would actually have some clue what they are talking about, and would be discouraged from making things up. Although if you had such a boring job, making shit up to trick random tourists would be the highlight of your day, most likely.)

We went to see The Garden of the Gods, amazing red-orange rock glowing in the sun with the white snow making it appear even brighter. That night we stayed in a super nice LARGE $80 room at a Holiday Inn Express for $45 (plus tax). Yay for the random Wendy's in Kansas and its assortment of coupon books! The following day we climbed 180-some steps to see a frozen Seven Falls, crawled all over the Manitou Cliff Dwellings of the Ancestral Puebloans, and visited the Cave of the Winds, with a semi-cute and very funny tour guide, who was most likely a geology student at the local university. Since we were the only two on the tour, he loosened up his typical shpeel. Any fool knows that you can't touch things in caves, but he reminded us of that and told us that there is a MASSIVE fine and possible jail time if you're caught doing so. Later he told us that he once led a group of 20 blind and/or deaf people through the cave. Whoa. He then told us that his boss instructed him to let them "touch whatever the fuck they wanted to."

Note to self: a perk of being blind is the consequence-free touching of cave property.

Midday we headed through Denver and into Greeley, the fastest growing city in America to stay with Juli's Ontario friend, Amy and Jonah, her dog. We were all just lounging in Amy's (fabulously cute) house when Jonah snapped at Juli, just in fun. Juli looked terrified and hopped up off the couch to move away and as she turned (i have never seen anything so funny in my life) Jonah nipped Juli in the butt. Juli pranced away, holding her butt, and looking terrified, but giggling just the same.

Jonah just stared at her with innocent eyes, thinking, "I'll get you later."

The next morning after breakfast at Perkins (which was playing classical music for some bizarre reason or another) we headed off to the airport. Juli dropped me off and then she was headed into Denver to begin her training for Americorp, the real reason behind the roadtrip. We both agreed that meeting new people sucks.

A quick hug and a wave ended our little roadtrip. I secretly wished Juli would give in to her nerves and skip out on Americorp and keep on traveling with me. So much fun.

Anyone want to travel around Ohio with me to see random, tacky, pointless sites? ... No? JULI COME HOME!