mental case...

I'm here in Denver... more to come about what I'm doing and the amazing trip out here... but that's for later.

I just have to comment on a mental case here. Everyone's at lunch and I have no one to tell this story to and, for those who know me and my stories, it's very difficult for me to contain them or my excitement to share them.

I was just down in the basement of our dorm where the laundry room is. I'd been waiting for days to get a chance at a washer and I was slowly pulling my wet clothes out and stuffing them in a bag since I guess I have to wait a few more days to dry them. I'm in my own world, completely zoned out, yet contemplating the fact that someone found this creepy building in a haunted Denver book and I'm alone in the basement, when I hear this awful scream right behind me. I turn around and there's this girl banging her head against a table full of clean laundry and screaming and whimpering.

I figured she was elated that I was pulling my clothes out of a washer and she was free to finally use it so I said, "Yeah, I'm done here." But she didn't take a moment to listen. She was off on this rant about how she tried to get back early and this is the third time she's washed these clothes and "This just aint how I treat my clothes!" and maybe a few "I'm going to go crazy"s mixed in. I tried to control her but she was violent and screaming and I tried to tell her "it's no big deal" that someone had taken her clean clothes out of the dryer when they were done so they could use it, but she got this horrified look on her face and screamed even louder, "I can't wear my clothes after someone's touched them! These are personal! I can't put these on my body! They're dirty now!"

Meanwhile I've just set my bag of wet laundry down and I'm backing out of the room like she has a gun pointed at me. I stood in the doorway trying to console her but finally I couldn't take it any longer. I yelled, "I just can't... handle you anymore!" and took off down the hallway.

I think the only other time I've felt so stressed in my life was when a Zion visitor this summer pulled up to my window yelling obscenities (I assumed) in German. He talked a mile a minute and wouldn't pause to give me a chance to talk and I finally had to scream at the top of my lungs "Just stop talking for a moment!" (which caused a whole line of traffic behind him to stick their confused heads out their windows). Now I've learned that you're supposed to deal with these mental cases with silence.

... I just went downstairs to see if there's a dryer ready but there were girl's clothes in one of them and now I'm too afraid to touch anything.

it's time...

I'm such a homebody. At this point, I'd rather spend 1000 nights watching Law and Order with my parents eating comfort foods like Stoffers lasagna and Figaros Pizza than do something scary like this. I'm constantly torn between this person in me that wants adventure and another that wants security and familiarity. Fortunately the adventurous person usually wins out, but today I'm really wanting anything but adventure. I know I'm going to love Colorado and I know it's going to be great to serve with Americorps. I just don't like this scary transition time.

So tomorrow Shawna and I head out. This will be the cheapest little roadtrip ever. My gas will be paid for by the government. My mom is helping with hotels. And da-da-da-daaa... You know those Wendy's cups that had AirTran coupons on them this winter and everyone told me it was a scam? Well, from the surplus of caffeinated beverages I consume daily, I got a free plane ticket so Shawna can fly home next Tuesday. We're staying in Indy with Shawna's sister and her husband tomorrow night and we're staying with my friend Amy in Greeley when we arrive in Colorado.

Anybody have any ideas for what to do in between? We allowed plenty of time to get there, but then we realized how boring I-70 really is. Gonna stop and see the arch in St. Louis, but at this point that's it. Any secrets along 70???

the boy

oh-so-flattering photo of me and the neff-you, Carter

what a profile

mmm... money

"When the last tree is cut, the last river poisoned, and the last fish dead, we will discover that we can't eat money..."

-www.greenpeace.org

I've been a complete load since coming home in November, I'm sorry. I could go through my day and share with you what I did and you can see what kind of load I've really become...

Fell asleep on the couch last night (this is typical) after watching the rose bowl with my dad and reese, my dog. Woke up around 10, oh so tired, and... holy crap, I just realized I actually worked out today. Now this wasn't a typical day after all. I think I worked up my first sweat since July. Showered and then filled the rest of the space between 12 and 5 with who knows what. My friend Jamie thinks I am so amazing how it's impossible to bore me. I can spend an entire day in my room (which is what I think I did) and be perfectly content and then you'd ask me what I did and I can't remember. I think I straightened things up a bit. I think I get distracted easily... looking through pictures and journals and books and nicknacks. Sometimes I sit there just looking around, almost like I'm taking pictures with my eyes, knowing someday I won't be here and I'll need to remember it.

This winter I've done some writing, lots of reading that I've been meaning to do for a couple years, cleaned for my mom, visited my new nephew a lot, and my greatest accomplishment... de-cluttered.

Life has a way of adding "stuff" and never really taking it away until nature decides to or we decide to. Fortunately I got to decide to this time. I went through every single thing in my room and took it to Goodwill, the women's shelter, the trash, or filed it away again. It felt so good to simplify. Mom says it's creepy, like what people do before they die. I'm just obsessed with simplicity lately. It's like extra stuff is a real weight that sits on my shoulders and I had to get rid of it. I physically feel lighter.

So, today was another fun-filled day and I'm sitting here with Reese pawing my knee, begging me to come to bed and I was reading an amazing book called, "Delaying the Real World," and came to the section about the organization GreenPeace. Good quote. Hoping I get to do alittle environmental work this year when I head out to Denver for AmeriCorps in a couple weeks.

Don't give up on me people. Even though I'm a complete loser without a life or a job and I never write on this anymore, I am working on putting Zion pics online to finally share. And I hope to get back in the habit of writing here (I'm told that I'm not cool anymore and that anyone who's anyone is on "facebook" but I'm just going to play the stupid card here and pretend I'm too old for that and I'm rigidly stuck in the ways of the blog).

HOME!

Well, I left the mid-90 degree temps in Tucson and I'm sitting here wrapped up in three layers of clothes including my mexican poncho and I'm still shivering... it's snowing here in Ohio. It's been snowing all day long.

It's so strange to be back, especially to be back in Ontario where new stores and housing developments pop up overnight. They've accumulated in the past 6 months and the change is overwhelming.

The disaster of my bedroom is overwhelming. I've taken on the project of clearing a walkway so I can move everything back in and maybe someday get to my bed so I can sleep there again. It's not as weird as I thought being out of the job and no school to go back to. I could get used to this for alittle while. My plan for November and December? Clear that path to my bed, hang out with my sister-in-law and the new nephew Carter, and look for a job somewhere, sometime...

I'll have to get a picture of the new kid to put on here. Definitely the cutest baby I've ever seen, but who could expect anything less from a Neff, right?

soaking up the sun while I still can

Well, here I am in Tucson, AZ visiting my aunt Casey and uncle Punch. They live in a beautiful house out in the desert beneath the shadow of Catback Mountain and bordering Saguaro National Park. I arrived here on Saturday after moving out of the dorm Thursday and staying the night with friends Jock and Robin Whitworth in Hurricane and driving 8 hours or so the next morning to Payson, AZ where I stayed with my friend Rayne and his family. Got to hike around some really cool rocks that evening and drive off the road to spot elk with the headlights and got stuck. Woke up Saturday morning and drove 4 more hours or so on to Tucson. It was amazingly familiar. As soon as I got off the main highway, it was like reliving a dream and I floated on wheels out to the desert where the sky grew and the cactus gathered around my car.

I love how the desert sky becomes so geometrically artful within the framework of the ocotillo. It's odd because I can't describe what happens when the red clouds dance behind the tall cactus arms, but something powerful takes place. The scenery doesn't change. I do. My perception of it all finds an emotion and runs away with it. I love the feeling it brings me. I want to run and curl up in a safe ball all at once. The ocotillo and the saguaro join together stretching their arms upward and celebrate the evening sky and I am reminded of how small I am. I wish to join them, but I don't begin to fit in. They are beautiful desert giants. I am small and simple and I have to force my mind to take notice of the glories around me.

I have always known that I am made alive in the desert. The sun melts my skin to bronze and I can sit for hours watching the colors of my legs dance with the oranges and reds of the desert dust. They know they are meant to be together. And the meeting of color and the sun's rays sending flashes of light across my eyes fills me with simple desert delights. I find my strength here, my joy, my energy.

But I miss Zion. How odd it is to walk this desert road and find the subject of wonder is the sky rather than the towering red rocks. I took a nap out in the sun the other afternoon and when I woke up at 5 to feel the sun's rays still burning on my cheeks, I remembered that in Zion the sun would have already set. I miss the red rock cliffs. I miss the constant whisper of the Virgin River. I miss waking up each morning to watch the blood red sunlight drip down the Altar of Sacrifice outside my bedroom window. Some mornings when I'd have to go to work early I'd complain that I was waking up before the rocks did. As I walked out to my car, though, I'd turn around to see the Towers of the Virgin finally rising from slumber, peeking into the sunrise light like a blanket slowly pulled from its face. The sunlight in the canyon was brief and I learned to appreciate every second the canyon gave me. At night, I lifted my eyes to view the window of stars and watched the Milky Way slowly appear as a diagonal curtain over the dark sky. The moon would then rise over the cliff and gave the rocks a second chance to shine again and then they'd shoot off colors- reds! yellows! oranges! greens! glow-in-the-dark whites!

Loving Tucson. Missing Zion. Craving to be back in Ohio. What in the world do I want...

By the way... my brother called today from home. A new baby boy, James Carter Neff, came today. I am finally an Aunt. Casey says I should be called Tia. I like that better than "aunt Juli." That just sounds old. I'm not old. So excited to drive home this friday with my parents!

Day Off

Today I hiked up to Scout's lookout and took a nap in the sun. Well, I wasn't crazy enough to fall asleep because I was laying near the ledge with a 1000 foot drop or so beneath me. So I lay there, rather wirey and alert, but still enjoying the sunshine. I finally got up after I heard too many hikers passing by, "If that girl even rolls over, (sound effects), she's gone."

The view of Angel's Landing and the Great White throne was amazing. I have some really fun pictures of Angel's landing I've been meaning to post on here. I'll have to do that soon.

I turned left and didn't do Angel's landing today, but hiked out alittle ways on the west rim trail. Incredible rock on this trail. It made me want to do the whole thing sometime. There are many things I've learned to do alone. But I decided this trail won't be one of them.

As I hiked along, I met four retired state troopers who dubbed me "the nicest gal on the trail so far." I didn't know if this was sarcasm or if they really meant that to mean something.

They said I needed something other than pictures of rocks, so this is their contribution.


I hiked down with them later and as they breaked and I took off down the switchbacks they yelled out, "Thanks for talking to the Duke! Just make sure you get to the sheriff's office soon for a restraining order." "Thanks for the warning," I called back, not really knowing what they were talking about.

Cool cool trail. Amazing views of the canyon.

When I got back from my hike, Arik, one of my housemates was dying to go get a buffalo burger. I fell to the pressure and agreed to go, even though I declared upon leaving, "I'd be a vegetarian if I could like vegetables." Buffalo wasn't on my list of meats I was anxious to try, especially after passing fields of them on our way up to the restaurant.

When we pulled into the dirt lot, I wasn't sure where exactly the restaurant was, till we saw the big ole entrance sign and the restaurant dogs greeting us in the yard. I heard some guy yell from inside, "We have people!" or something like that. And he promptly came out, brushed his hands on his apron and told us to take a seat inside or out and "how the hell are ya?!?!" "Fine thankyou," as I quickly chose a table outside. I didn't want to know what was on the inside.

This was our menu...

Sad news, they were all out of the rabbit rattlesnake sausage.

Or maybe the population was down... of rabbits or rattlesnakes, I'm not sure.

What the heck is this?


(see next entry to find the answer...)


(hint: we had a ball!)

I was excited to see Dr. Pepper on the menu... my addictions have not ceased. I was surprised to receive an old jam jar to drink it out of. For some reason, my Dr. Pepper tasted kind of chemically and I blamed it on the glass. I have this weird phobia of drinking out of glass glasses.

Note the sign in the background... "Please do not feed dogs." Several dogs sat at our table with us, salivating over our buffalo burgers and Rocky Mountain oysters... yes, you read that correctly. I ate the balls from some animal. I can't believe I did it, well, I only took a smallish bite. But I can now say I've done it.

This is Olga. The locals were having a grand time placing a bandana over her old cataract-ed eyes and giggling about it. Poor old Olga.

get ready for overload of worthless story and picture

The following posts were all supposed to be part of the same entry but I can't seem to post more than one picture without freezing up my computer and having to restart it, which I've stupidly done several times tonight. The strange shadows in the corners of my pictures are because I have a wide-angle lens which doesn't fit on my camara so I try to hold it steady in front of my lens, but as you can see, I often miss.

So yesterday morning on my day off I went to Snow Canyon in St. George. It was so gorgeous. I was alittle afraid going alone, but it turned out to be alright. It’s kinda funny that I could probably count on my fingers how many words I spoke to another human all day… It was a lonely day, but it was fine, not like some of my other lonely days.

I've sometimes heard Snow canyon nicknamed "little Zion" because it has very similar landscapes. I think it is an intersection of the Mohave desert, the Great Basin, and the Colorado Plateau. There are active sand dunes and others are petrified. There’s an old volcano and tons of lava flows. Desert shrubs like live oak, creosote, and sage are everywhere and the contrast of these beautiful greens against the blacks of volcanic rock and desert varnish on the sandstone and the red rocks and blue sky are astounding.

My favorite part was the sand dunes… I took so many pictures there. At first, I acted so mature. I walked along, disgusted that other people have torn the dunes apart with their footprints. Why can’t we all just walk along the same path instead of having to tread our own and leave a mess behind?

But then I began paying closer attention to the details… I saw cute little prints from some bird or lizard. I decided these prints were ok.

And then I spotted some prints left by a crazy child in bare feet. They were all over the place; running around in circles, jumping up and down, then rolling around in the sand. I decided to follow the prints. I found myself stomping around in the same stomping marks left by the little feet. It made me smile. I decided these prints were also alright.

And as I followed the child’s prints, they joined paths with the bigger footsteps and soon we were all travelling together, and I decided these prints were acceptable too because we all start out with child’s feet and we remain the same person. Our feet just grow alittle. But that’s when I looked down and realized I was still wearing my shoes.

It is alright for a child’s feet to grow into an adult’s in time. It’s inevitable. But what I was doing was letting my feet get to my head. I was forgetting that I was that same child still. Now these prints were unacceptable and I allowed them to go no further.



I kicked off my shoes and I jumped and played in the sand the whole way back to my car. Sometimes it was so soft and so deep that it came up to my knees. I fell on my butt a couple times but I acted like I meant to. It was just me and a giant sandbox. I needed that little reminder today of Juli the child.